When I was in my early teens, the US was going through a recession. Some of my friends' dads lost their jobs and the economy got pretty rough for a while. I guess this was in the late 1980's and very early 1990's.
My dad even lost a job or two during this period, but I never really noticed. Maybe Christmas was a bit smaller a couple of years, or mom and dad let my shoes last a couple of months longer before buying new. I'm not really sure, because I just didn't notice it.
But now, I'm a grown-up. I'm closing in on 33 years, and it's unsettling. I have a beautiful wife who loves me, and three great kids. And I am very, very blessed. So please don't think that I'm complaining. I'm actually very grateful. But I'm also unsettled...
Recently, some friends of mine have lost their jobs. They are worried about their homes, healthcare, and how to provide for their families. My workplace has cut several jobs - and while mine is safe for now - there are no guarantees. It is tough sledding out there for many people. And while it didn't seem to impact me much as a kid - the current state of things has gotten my attention.
Now that I'm grown, I notice these things. Sadly, I notice other things about this world...
- I notice how often people get divorced who appear on the surface to have the "perfect marriage."
- I notice how people who drive fancy cars and have big homes often don't have real money, but just bought it all on credit.
- I notice how many "well-adjusted" children come from really screwed up parents.
- I notice how so many people put their faith in politics and people of power - when the powerful and politics are constantly changing.
- I notice how many people in the USA are complaining about their financial situation and losing 30% in the stock market - but children in Africa and South America don't have basic food, water, or shelter.
But then...I also notice some things about me...
- I notice how so many of the dreams I had as a boy have died a slow death by my own hand.
- I notice how even with Facebook, Myspace, Email, and Cell phones - I still am terrible at communicating and maintaining relationships.
- I notice how often my Bible sits on the shelf collecting dust - while I have worn out the buttons on the TV remote control.
- I notice how badly I feel sometimes and how my pants are too tight - but I won't quit eating ice cream or take a few minutes to excercise each day.
- I notice how kindly I treat strangers and acquaintances - but how harshly I sometimes treat my family.
- I notice how even the few things in my life that are going well and I do have under control - I somehow use as justification to judge other people.
- I notice how often I let other people think the best of me - and how hard I work to hide the parts they wouldn't be so impressed with.
- I notice how often I allow myself to get by with the mediocre...I just settle for less. And it's unsettling.
You're saying to yourself... "Man, I wished I hadn't clicked his blog today. This is really depressing."
But there's more to the story...so read on.
You see, I saw the LORD today. I went looking and I found Him. No - I didn't see tears on some statue, and I wasn't blinded by a light on the Damascus road. But I saw the LORD. A glimpse really. I witnessed an act of selfless compassion today - very simple and common. But I saw Jesus help this lady to her car. It wasn't just a man. I saw the LORD. I saw His heart for people.
And like the prophet Isaiah, I was undone...or maybe, unsettled. In Isaiah 6, he tells of his glimpse of the LORD. He sees God, seated on His throne. And immediately, Isaiah sees himself for what he really is.
In verse 5, he cries out "Woe is me, for I am undone. I am a man of unclean lips...."
And then it hit me.
When we get a glimpse of the LORD and see Him for who He really is...then, and only then...can we see ourselves for who we really are.
That's why I noticed all of these things today. I saw the LORD. But praise to Him that the story doesn't stop here. God has called us a different name, and He has given us a new identity. His word says so!!!
We are who God says we are. While I noticed all of those things about myself - that is just my flesh. The heart of me...the one Jesus died to save...is a new and different heart. While my flesh is very real - my heart is even more real - it's eternal. So today, I will crucify this flesh and I will deny the lies of the Enemy. And I will take hold of my salvation in the fullness of God's promise.
So, while His light will always expose the weaknesses of my flesh and the sorry state of the world around me...His truth will remind me that I am more than the sum of my parts. I am exactly who He says I am. My flesh will not define me.
So this is my prayer tonight...
"God help me - to see You more clearly so that I can honestly see these failures of my flesh. And let me ever praise Your kindness that leads me to repentence. And grow me in the knowledge of who You are - so I can better understand this new heart You have given. And let me see and know the full promise of Your salvation - abundant life that can only be found in an intimate walk with You. In the name of Jesus, whom the angels praise...Amen!"
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Aaron Horton at | | | |
|
...I have such a hard time accepting the fact that God loves me and is not "against" me. I start moving in a direction - and at the first sign of trouble, then I just throw my hands in the air and say "woe is me."
I often carry around this defeatist attitude that God would never allow me to be truly happy and fulfilled in my daily life - because I don't deserve it.
The truth is, I don't deserve it.
The greater truth is - it doesn't matter whether I deserve it or not!!!
Check out the last part of Romans 8:
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? " - Romans 8:28-33
If that doesn't convince you...look at Jesus' words from the Sermon on the Mount:
"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" -Matthew 7:9-11
Just because I don't understand the circumstances - that doesn't mean God isn't working things in my favor, or for my good.
So, when I run around with this defeatist attitude - what is the real position of my heart? Is it frustration that God isn't giving me what I want? Or, is it my own lack of faith in what His word says?!?
Oh me of little faith! Lord, help my unbelief!!! (Mark 9)
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Aaron Horton at | | | |
|
Check out this quote - about pursuing a relationship with God. The author has studied and researched the older Saints and early forms of worship and meditation. I just think this quote is dead on accurate. See what you think:
"Most of us seem to assume that union with God is attained by laboriously ascending a ladder of virtues, which finally fashion our holiness and make us fit for him. In truth, the reverse is far more accurate: the great saints and mystics have been those who fully accepted God's love for them. It is this which makes everything else possible. Our incredulity in the face of God's immense love, and also self-hate or an unyielding sense of guilt, can be formidable obstacles to God's love, and are often subtle and unrecognized forms of pride, in putting our "bad" above his mercy."
-Thelma Hall, Too Deep for Words
What a great quote...and a reminder that no matter how "bad" we are or how much sin we have in our lives - God's love and mercy is greater. That's the message the world needs to hear & it can only be properly communicated apart from (and sometimes in direct contrast to) self-righteousness, religion, or legalistic ideals.
Nothing we do can ever increase or decrease His love for us. Remember that & enjoy the freedom that is there!
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Aaron Horton at | | | |
|
I was struck last night by this classic Elizabeth Barret Browning quote:
"Earth's crammed with heaven,
And every common bush afire with God;
But only he who sees takes off his shoes--"
What a great reminder that God is always at work around us. We often set out looking for signs - but we're only looking for the signs we want to see and ignore the ones already posted along our path.
The bible warns in several places (Deuteronomy 12, Ezekiel 12, Isaiah 6...and several times in the New Testament books!) about "seeing but not perceiving." I think this was Browning's point in this verse.
I encourage you to look around today & ask God to show you what you may have missed.
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Aaron Horton at | | | |
|
After growing tired (very quickly) of MySpace, I never thought I'd join another online community, but I must admit I'm hooked on Facebook. It's quicker, easier, and just better than MySpace...at least in my opinion!
The features just seem simpler and more useful & I've connected with some friends and family I haven't heard from in years. In fact, Laura and I spent hours on Saturday and Sunday night working on our pages & talking with folks we needed to catch up with.
You ought to check it out at www.facebook.com if you haven't tried it. If you have, send me a friend request (I'm always trying to get more friends than Laura, but she's kicking my butt right now & has twice as many friends as me!).
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Aaron Horton at | | | |
|
Have you ever had one of those moments, when something just hits you at the right place and time? It happened to me yesterday afternoon. I was flying from Newark to Montreal and listening to my Ipod & this Trisha Yearwood song came on. I've heard it several times before, but for some reason, it just hit me so hard that I began to cry. Sometimes there are mysteries of the heart that don't make sense to the mind.
Then, as I tried to make it appear as if I wasn't crying, I began to think about my beautiful wife. Sure, she looks great - but that is just the tip of the iceberg of her beauty. She is wise, and honest (sometimes brutally so - but never to my harm). She is funny & loving. She's a lover, friend, and a great mom to our kids.
I have so many reasons to love her & cherish her. And I've sung her a thousand love songs before. But none of them was 100% perfect. So many love songs make love sound easy & cheesy! But love isn't something you fall in and out of. It isn't something that just comes and goes like the wind. It's something you work for. It's something that takes your very best effort with no guarantee. Sometimes it feels like it's going to fall apart, but something always holds it together (remember the cord of three strands?).
Laura and I have been married more than eleven years now. And I wouldn't trade our love for anything & I wouldn't take back a minute of it. Even the hard times - because they make today (and all of the good times) even sweeter.
So, I thought I'd post the lyrics. It's our story. I hope you enjoy it.
"TRYING TO LOVE YOU" (Beth Nielson Chapman & Bill Lloyd)
I blew out all my plans,
The world fell in my hands,
The day that I began,
Trying to love you...
The secrets I have kept,
The nights I haven't slept,
I've laughed until I wept,
Trying to love you...
Trying to love you...
No one's come as close or gone so far,
I've lost and found myself in who you are,
So easy and so hard,
Trying to love you...
I've watched myself get stuck,
I squandered all my luck,
I've almost given up,
Trying to love you...
Trying to love you...
It's broke my heart, it's chipped away my pride
everytime I'd see that fault line slide
across the great divide,
Trying to love you...
Trying to love you...
I've screamed your name and slammed a thousand doors,
I've worn a million miles across this floor,
Still I could not ignore,
Trying to love you...
It's pulled the best from me,
For all the world to see,
I guess I'll always be,
Trying to love you...
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Aaron Horton at | | | |
|
In the immortal words of Neil Diamond...
"Hello my friends, hello!"
It has been almost 5 months since I've written a new blog post. So much has transpired in that time period, that it would take several days of blogging to bring you up to speed. (And no...I won't bore you with all of those details). And while life has moved so seemingly fast, my heart has been taking baby steps...the kind of shaky, hold-to-the-coffee-table, reach for daddy kinds of steps.
It is so odd to me in some ways that I was on such an aggressive track of spiritual growth. I was writing, and the LORD was teaching me new and wondrous things...almost daily. I went to the "Wild At Heart" boot camp, and the LORD really showed up there, and I grew as a result.
But then...things kind of stopped. Maybe I got in a bit of a funk. Or maybe my mind was just on other things. I'm not sure. Instead of rapid growth...I was slowly, and tentatively moving ahead.
And maybe the LORD wanted it that way. Maybe I was moving too fast, gaining knowledge without experience. Maybe He has slowed me down to let my life sort of catch up. Moving slowly and shakily - I HAVE to depend on Him. I can't do it on my own - even with a head full of knowledge of Scripture. It just doesn't work without a heart full of trust that can only be developed through experience.
One of the concepts that was discussed at the Wild at Heart retreat, was that God sometimes leads us through the wilderness to condition us and develop our faith in Him (even Jesus had to endure the wilderness). See what James 1:2-8 says:
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does."
Sometimes I just have to sit back and shake my head. It's all so plain in Scripture...just look at how directly that passage above speaks to the last few months of my life.
I was riding the lawnmower on Monday night, and this old hymn kept coming into my head. The refrain is taken directly from 2 Timothy 1:12. I used to sing this old song, sort of half-jokingly because it just seemed like a stodgy old hymn. But I was just belting it out the other night on the mower, because now it really hits home. Here's what the 3rd verse (the one the Baptists never sing) and the refrain say:
"I know not what of good or ill
May be reserved for me,
Of weary ways or golden days,
Before His face I see.
But I know Whom I have believèd,
And am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I’ve committed
Unto Him against that day."
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Aaron Horton at | | | |
|
I've been reading some blogs of friends and associates over the past couple of weeks, just to catch up since I've been out of the loop.
One of my good friends has hosted some pretty heated discussions about the modern church and ministers of today. I read with much interest as people weighed in with their various opinions. There was much passion displayed - and some truth too...on both sides of the argument.
But in the midst of those postings and discussions, I saw what I believe to be a rather alarming trend. That is the comparison of modern day evangelical pastors to the Pharisees of Jesus' day. I've seen this a lot in writings from home-church proponents, and opponents of the traditional church structure as many of us know it today.
While there are, no doubt, some bad apples out there - I don't believe this is a valid comparison at all. Here are some reasons why:
1) The Pharisees were not filled with the Holy Spirit. If a modern day pastor claims to have a relationship with Jesus, and it is a believable claim, then Scripture teaches he is filled with the Holy Spirit. The Pharisees were not filled with the Holy Spirit, and therefore had to rely on their religious acts to prove to others that they were favored by God. Although some could fairly make the point that many modern-day pastors add "works" to the Christian life they espouse, I don't believe most of these pastors would claim that the works are a requirement for salvation. (Titus 3:5).
2) We cannot know the hearts of modern-day pastors to the same depth that Jesus understood the hearts of the Pharisees. Unfortunately - words and actions don't always add up. Sometimes we know what's right, and still can't do it. The Pharisees knew the truth and actually prevented the people from finding it with their rules and regulations (Matthew 23). None of us can knowingly make that claim against another brother or sister in Christ. We can rightly divide truth from error, and we can indeed judge actions as righteous or not. But we CANNOT know the heart...only JESUS can!!!! (I Sam 16:7, I Cor. 13:12).
3) If the point of calling modern-day pastors "Pharisees" is to get them to repent from legalism or a works-based salvation, then this approach contradicts Scripture. Jesus did not go after the Pharisees in Matthew 23 to bring about their repentance. They had already set their hearts against the truth. Jesus knew they would not repent. Jesus does not lead us to repentence by harsh words and accusations. In fact, Scripture teaches distinctly that His kindness is what leads us to repentance. Whatever one might call it, comparing a pastor to a Pharisee is certainly not kind (Romans 2:4 & Titus 3:4).
These are just a few of the reasons that I cannot view modern day pastors as Pharisees. Does the church of today have some problems? YES! Has it missed the mark in reaching people with the full measure of truth from the Gospel? YES! Do we have to be careful about buildings and spending our time on business and things not associated with growing the Kingdom? YES!
But are our modern church leaders the same as the Pharisees?
Absolutely not!!!
I don't really have an agenda here - except to try and focus on the Truth as presented in Scripture. I can't judge the hearts of the people who make the pastor/pharisee comparisons - or even know all of their reasons for doing so. But what I can offer is this. Scripture. Titus 3. Take it as you find it. I didn't say it...God did!!!
Titus 3
" 1Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, 2 to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men. 3 At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. 4 But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, 5 he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, 6 whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, 7 so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. 8 This is a trustworthy saying. And I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good. These things are excellent and profitable for everyone. 9 But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless. 10 Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him. 11 You may be sure that such a man is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned. 12 As soon as I send Artemas or Tychicus to you, do your best to come to me at Nicopolis, because I have decided to winter there. 13 Do everything you can to help Zenas the lawyer and Apollos on their way and see that they have everything they need. 14 Our people must learn to devote themselves to doing what is good, in order that they may provide for daily necessities and not live unproductive lives. 15 Everyone with me sends you greetings. Greet those who love us in the faith. Grace be with you all."
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Aaron Horton at | | | |
|
I work in downtown Nashville right next door to the building where they are holding auditions for the TV show "America's Got Talent." You know the show where people show off their talents that go far beyond just a simple singing competition. It's also the show where the incomparable David Hasslehoff serves as one of the three judges.
So, as I look down at the street, there must be a few thousand people standing in freezing weather in a long line around the entire block.
Mixed in with the countless loonies, show-offs, and general freaks, are probably some very talented people - who are willing to go to very great lengths just for a few seconds of audition time. It seems crazy to me - because it is the longest of long shots that any of these people will ever become rich or famous.
While I was standing in line to buy lunch, I ran into a really nice family from Bay St. Louis, Mississippi who had traveled all the way to Nashville so their grand-daughter could audition for the show. She was a really sweet kid, and they weren't your typical pushy showbiz wanna-be family. She just wanted a chance...no matter how slim...to show what she could do (in this case, an impression of Minnie Pearl).
I've been reflecting on this crazy day, and thinking about the lengths people will go to...when there is so little hope. But just a little hope is all it takes. For any of us...right?
After all, hope causes us to do some pretty irrational stuff, doesn't it? Some people buy Lottery tickets in hopes of wealth and fortune. Some set off on perilous journeys in the hopes of setting a record or accomplishing something noteworthy. Some will paint their bodies and sit in the freezing cold - hoping to see their sports team emerge victorious. Heck, even I'm not immune from this. One time I bought some seaweed soap from an infomercial in the hopes that it would help me shed some unwanted pounds. (I know...it's embarassing to admit...but sadly, it's very true).
But hope is central. It's a theme that runs through the entire course of history. Maybe that's why the Bible talks so much about it. Not just a hope of fame or fortune. But something deeper. Here are some interesting things about Hope found in Scripture:
- The term "hope" is found in Proverbs 12-15 times (depending on which translation you have)
- Ecclesiastes 9:4 says "Anyone who is among the living has hope —even a live dog is better off than a dead lion!"
- The famous "Prayer of Jabez" speaks of the "hope" the Lord has plans to give (Jer. 29)
- Romans 5:5 says that ..."Hope does not disappoint us...."
- Romans 15 refers to God as the "God of Hope"
- The "Faith, Hope & Love" chapter calls it one of the three things that remain (1Cor. 13)
- Colossians 1:27 says "To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory."
As I scanned over several passages...the message of hope was not for fame, glory, money, or scrubbing pounds off with seaweed soap. The true hope of Scripture is FREEDOM. Real freedom.
It's an almost surreal scene as I look again out my window. I try to dismiss it all as foolishness. But, if Hasselhoff peeks out, I might even join the riot (where's my 8x10 glossy photo from Knight Rider?).
I laugh and shake my head. What a mess down there. A big, swarmy, stinky mass of hope. And I thank God He's given it to all of us. What a gift. Hope. Only God is that good!
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Aaron Horton at | | | |
|
Has your life ever felt kind of...flat? Like drinking a Coca-Cola with no fizz? Sure, all the ingredients are there. It's got plenty of sugar and caffeine...but it's just not quite right.
I often wonder what causes us to go through periods like that. Everything is just kind of routine, and you just feel kind of "blah."
I've walked through some times like that recently. I just wondered if anybody else has ever noticed that in their life. It's weird to be walking through that. Even stranger, is that I'm kind of OK with it. I'm not sure if that's a bad thing or not.
In some ways, I'm very content and grateful because I have a great life. But in other ways, I feel convicted about the things I still need to change.
I'm going to think and pray over the next few days and try to remember other times in my life when I've been in this same position. Maybe I'm on the edge of something more, or maybe God is preparing me for tougher times ahead.
Any thoughts?
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Aaron Horton at | | | |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
